Narrative Technique

A Breakaway from the Pursuit for a Father Figure

I grew up in a quite complicated family. I was an illegitimate child with an another illegitimate sister. We grew up without a father and considering that we call our mother and our relatives - grandpas, grandmas, uncles, aunts and cousins-as our family. When I was a child, it has been very hard for me to explain to my classmates and friends the complexity of our family – a family without a father; I even got myself confused about it. My mother would just say things and that and taught me what to say when people ask me about my father. That’s why since I was on grade 1 I am quite familiar with the term “illegitimate child” though superficial-a child without a father-since that answer was what my mother taught me. It doesn’t matter to me at first if I don’t have a father but there are inevitable times that I can feel that someone is lacking-someone that will play with you, teaches you how to play basketball or how to swim and someone that can be your paternal idol-a father figure. Yes, I can feel that my mother and uncles are trying to fill up that need but I can still feel the gap.

No matter how hard I try, I can’t think all my uncles as my fathers because I know and I feel that they should prioritize their own kids first. What they can do to help me is to share their extra time to me as my father or join with their kids on their activities. That’s what I feel, only a shared father’s love. But when I was a child, I had this uncle of mine who was quite close to me and we also have some resemblances on our attitudes. I feel comfortable with him and that made me to decide to look up on him as my father. I respect him like he was my father and I idolize him. He has been my father figure. I want to be like him and grow up like him. That’s why I wore the same clothing as him: polo shirt with slacks, listen the same music and even wanted to have a job like his’-a seaman.

But because of his job, he’s always not home and then the vain for finding a father figure comes in again. Time passed and it has been always like that. Time goes on and something has changed. I don’t know if it was him or maybe it was me after all who have changed. I don’t know if I’m getting matured but I’m getting used to without father, I don’t care anymore about having my father back or having a father figure and given with some consequences and news on the T.V., I even became thankful that I don’t have a father-no drunkard, no headaches for my mom, no vices and no shouting between parents inside the house, except perhaps sometimes when my uncle is home. I am not quite in vain anymore on finding a father figure and I don’t idolize my uncle anymore. I don’t look up on him as my father anymore but I still respect him as my uncle and there’s no more or less to that. I have my own goals and principles in life which are not the same as his’ that’s why we have some arguments sometimes but most of the times I just don’t say something to stay out of trouble and so that there will be no hubbub. When I was a child , was in vain on finding for a person to be my father figure because it was during my childhood that I needed him the most-to teach me how to play some sports or how to swim or how to fight back when I am bullied. However, he wasn't there in those times and as a result, I realized that having a father is superfluous. I realized that I should be contented of what I have and be very grateful to my mother who tried her best to let me(and my sister) feel that we are complete even without a father and that we can live even without him. I already have forgiven my father for what he had done but I don’t know if he can expect from me the same love and respect I have for my mother or if he even have my care or respect for him. Maybe I can call him “Pa” and that is all there is to it-only a respect for what would I call to him.